3, That’s the Magic Number

TW- We’re going to talk about BMs.

(For my older crowd, TW= Trigger Warning and BM= Bowel Movements)

(For my younger crowd, old people are those born in the 1900’s)

So 3, that is my magic number. Almost 3 weeks, up to 3 times a day, 3 doses of Imodium a day- apparently that’s how often you can have diarrhea without concern.

Trust me, this is a mild gif compared to what Google has to offer

So yeah, I’ll save any further details as most non-cancer patients/chronic illness folks are probably ready to stop reading. But hey I’m fitting into old clothes again!

I still would take these side effects up to this point- a few more weeks we might have to revisit that. But some of my other side effects are constant itchiness, lightheadedness (which is a word?), an acne like “rash”, and cancer’s number one sponsor- fatigue.

Fuckin fatigue. But there’s more to cover so let’s move on. What else has been going on in my life? Well I have ADHD, and in true ADHD fashion I can not remember if I have ever mentioned that before on here (I’ll throw in parenthesis for good measure). So I started Ritalin recently which feels nostalgic since I haven’t heard about it since I was a kid. It does help organize my brain a little better but considering I have come back to this exact sentence no less than ten times, it’s not perfect. Also there is a shortage on these type of meds right now which is real cool.

What else? Oh panic attacks, remember those? Got another few under the belt and let me say, boy are they fun. Want to feel like you can’t breathe? Like you’re going to scratch the skin from your leg? (Which you will do) Like your body is vibrating in different frequencies? Like there’s a car on your chest? Then try Panic Attacks! 5 out of 5 anxious people recommend them- I think, let me check, I could be wrong, please don’t be mad if I am.

In my never ending quest to collect every prescription medication in the world, I now have Xanax at my disposal too. Sleigh bells signal that Santa is coming and pills in plastic bottles signal that I’m near.

The similarities are endless

Never taken Xanax? I had never either so I figured I would try it in a safe place at home to see how it feels. You know those stories where someone wakes up in a morgue days after they were presumed dead? Yeah I think those people probably took Xanax. I have heard it can be used recreationally too but if that is your idea of fun then have you heard of a coma? I will say it did work during the panic attack but outside of that- I don’t want to touch the stuff.

So other than keeping the pharmaceutical industry alive what else has been going on? I went to North Carolina and loved it.

Pictures really don’t do it justice.

Been keeping up with my infusions and daily pill- I stopped counting how many infusions because at this point it’s going to be forever probably so……

And I had a scan this week. Yeah I know I’m burying the lead here. My scan was yesterday and it showed that there was no new growth and maybe the slightest bit of shrinkage.

Now everyone is probably thinking “Great news! Yay!” Well if you’re a cancer survivor you know what’s coming- meh. I want to celebrate I do but any shrinkage was minimal and who knows if it actually shrunk or if the scan accuracy accounts for that. But no growth or spread is a good thing of course. I think the April scans will really paint a better picture on the efficacy of this regimen of meds.

Last Thursday was my 2 year cancerversary which to the uninitiated is the day you are diagnosed. Some people celebrate with cakes that say “Congrats on Not Dying!” or something along those lines. Me? I forgot. Would I have celebrated? Honestly I don’t know if I would. Maybe if I was in remission, cured, or NED but yeah I haven’t died but it feels like a slow slow death either way. As I learned from the cinematic masterpiece “Renaissance Man” with Danny Devito, “from the day we are born we start to die.”

This is a movie I love that probably isn’t good but oh well. Anyways, yeah, I’m middle of the road on this news. Not sad just meh. Such is the life with incurable cancer. For now though I’m going to just keep on trucking.

-Joe