Monday January 10th I started having lower back pain on my right side with some discomfort in my pelvic area and while using the washroom. "Damn, kidney stones again," I thought. About 5 or 6 years ago I had the "joy" of experiencing kidney stones and the symptoms were all the same. I started flooding my system with plenty of water, tried jumping around and moving to help them pass, and took some pain meds.
After a night of no sleep the pain intensified. After the kids boarded the bus for school in the morning Rachel and I headed to the ER. I figured a few scans would show some large stones which would equal better pain meds and a follow up with a specialist to break them up/get them out. After about a 3 hour wait (the ER during COVID is a real fun place) we finally got our room/bed. IV was hooked up, pain meds were given and I was feeling better- Dilaudid works wonders but I can see how people get hooked.
A few scans and hours later the doctor came to get us. Rather than address us in our shared room he asked to pull us into an office to discuss the scans. This seemed odd and I thought maybe the stones were a lot bigger than I thought. Once inside the office he pulled up the scans of my kidneys. As a person who has no medical experience whatsoever I was not quite sure what I was looking at until he started to progress the photos. While the left kidney remained small and I guess normal size, the right kidney started to grow and grow- clearly not how it should look. The doctor told me he couldn't officially diagnose anything but the mass on my kidney had all the signs of cancer, a cancer that apparently did not happen overnight as the size was described to us as a "small volleyball."
It is weird and surreal and it frankly sucks to hear you have cancer (which was later confirmed by specialists). I don't think I can describe the feelings around hearing those words. I think only people who have heard it know the weight, shock, despair, etc that comes with it and if you're reading this hopefully you never have to hear them. The most likely scenario (95% likely) is that it is a stage 3 or 4 renal cell carcinoma. While they can't be sure until there is a biopsy, this appears to be the most likely cancer. The staging should not be focused on I'm told as that's not certain yet but it has appeared to spread to nearby lymph nodes. There's still anger, tears, despair, stress and more- it is hard to navigate and tackle. In the two weeks since that visit I've had more scans and visits and conversations. Two plans are being mulled by my surgeon and oncologist at the moment. While we're not sure what's going to happen major surgery to remove the kidney and mass is a part of both plans.
Again, this sucks, no better way to describe it. Currently I feel okay most of the time- usually a little fatigued and sore at times with a headache but overall okay at the moment. I have had incredible support from my parents, siblings, family, friends, work, and most importantly my wife. Rachel has done all the research, scheduled appointments, educated herself and me- all while handling the house, the kids, and more. She's a rockstar, 10/10 would recommend having a partner like her.
Lastly, people have been asking how they can support us. It sounds weird to say but at the moment I am fortunate. We have good healthcare, we have means to support ourselves currently, I can still work (our jobs are very understanding here), our families are supportive and helpful, and all in all my health is stable right now. I don't know when that will change but for the time being I am not sure how to support us. I would say love your family extra hard, if you're feeling off at all get checked out, and just enjoy life (COVID safe).
Thank you to everyone who has reached out and anyone reading this, it truly means the world to us. Rachel and I will update this regularly both for medical updates and just to check in.
Best,
Joe