Do the McDonald's Drive-Thru Workers Think I'm Hungover or I Was Just Crying?
February 13, 2022
I have a biopsy coming up Wednesday to hopefully confirm the type of cancer my care team thinks I have. A requirement is to have a COVID test three days prior- so this morning, at 7:50 in the morning. That is my fault though, I thought it was a Monday and not a Sunday- the only Sunday my kids slept past 7am. Anyways the COVID test process now is a DIY process where they hand you your label and kit and you do the rest. Flaws aside with the accuracy, integrity, honesty, etc- it was a quick process, once I drove over an hour round trip for a 5 minute task.
The ride there was groggy and filled with iced coffee and Howard Stern on Sirius. The ride home was still groggy, albeit slightly less and I opted for music versus more Stern. My Spotify liked songs are a real potpourri- ranging from "We Don't Talk About Bruno" to Stevie Wonder to Kanye to Def Leppard to "Idiot Boyfriend" and Irish folk songs with almost every other genre mixed in. I'm sure most people say they connect to music and I'm no different. Certain songs bring back memories or make you think of your kids or partner. Certain songs make you think of the smell of the spill mats at BAR Chicago after a long night (Sandstorm).
Other songs bring out deep connected emotions that, if I'm not preoccupied, will almost guarantee some tears: The Gambler- by Fun always makes me think of Rachel and a health scare she had years ago that really put the fear of being without her in my mind- this is immediate tears about a minute and a half in; First Day of My Life- by Bright Eyes makes me think of both our girls being born; Diving Bell- by Ghost of Paul Revere reminds me of mental health battles I've had; and I can probably go on with this list for pages and pages. A song that I've heard numerous times and never had any connection aside from liking it is Telepath- by Manchester Orchestra. Driving home the song randomly came up on shuffle and rather than skip it for something more upbeat to help me wake up I let it play and, I guess for the first time, listened to it clearly. Some backstory- Manchester Orchestra is a band Rachel started listening to and I grew to like. Not much of our music tastes align at all, even within their own catalog but for some reason I've always liked them. The song I think speaks for itself and love and having a partner so just pondering all that hit me. It also hit me because another goal I have is after treatment/surgery and COVID I want to see Rachel at a Manchester Orchestra concert again- carefree, dancing, smiling, and just in her element. It truly makes me smile thinking about that and is a "mile marker" for this process. Hopefully that happens again after my 10th booster shot.
Anyways, snap back to picking up McDonald's for breakfast for the girls on the way back and I know I've been crying- the lady with the princess license plate frame on 94 who I'm pretty sure was not royalty also knows I was ugly crying. A few random (clean) fast food napkins from the console later and I either look like I just learned I had weeks to live or that I went on a bender and could end up driving my car into the playplace if I don't sober up with some McDonald's hash browns. I maybe successfully looked normal getting the food and leaving before anxiety made me think everyone was judging me and started the shorter ride home. My crying was done as I was now driving through the farms near our house where some horses were out grazing and some had coats and some didn't. My mind went from serious, life changing illness thoughts to wondering which horses get coats and which don't? It wasn't a size thing that I could tell. Were some horses midwestern and don't care what temperature it is out- they'll still wear shorts to run outside? Or were some horses from somewhere tropical and now they landed in the lush rolling flatlands of Gurnee?
Anyways music is great obviously- dumb statement. But, if it makes you cry in the car by yourself just drive by some horses who may or may not be wearing jackets and start to contemplate why.