Don't Stop Me Now

I got three new tattoos today. I’m just a badass like that. Spiderwebs on my elbows? Teardrop by my eye? Nope. I got this:

These are on both hips and my third one, well lets just say it’s the same position as my belt buckle. You don’t get pictures of that one pervs. This is also the first time I’ve had to pull my pants and underwear down for a tattoo so that’s cool……or not. I was instructed to do so with a cloth maybe the size of a pillowcase over me. I’m not going to joke about size or anything but let’s just say it’s a very vulnerable position to be in for anyone as you pass through a CT scan, legs towards the glass window of the “control room” and then get tattooed.

Essentially these marks help ensure the radiation machine is lined up for treatment. Oh yeah, my hip will now also be getting radiation. It has been causing me pain and I’m not quite ready to rock a cane yet. All this will result in about five more minutes each session so not too bad. Plus I can listen to the staff’s musical selections- my favorites so far being Walk the Dinosaur and Bennie and the Jets. Nothing like hearing “BENNIE! BENNIE!” as lasers get blasted into my neck.

So radiation is essentially trying to kill the cancer in the exact spots it is being blasted.

In terms of side effects, so far they are minimal. I have some very light irritation on my neck and fatigue of course but that’s it so far. However today is only the 5th treatment so as they stack up I’m sure there will be more.

However radiation is mostly for pain relief as targeting those spots doesn’t treat the cancer all over my body which we believe is traveling through the bloodstream.

Now Ms. Frizzle be damned, there’s not really a way to “blast” it all, hence the targeted drug I am on as well. That drug, Alunbrig, we have to wait and see its efficacy.

Essentially this is a trial of sorts- a newer (2020) lung cancer drug being used to treat a kidney cancer patient. We’re hoping for the best but we’re kind of in uncharted waters now.

Now aside from the physical stuff there’s the mental side of it all. Surprisingly I’m doing better than I thought. There’s still lows- low lows- but there’s also moments of being okay or even good. I’m trying to stay as busy as I can and wouldn’t you know it, daily trips to the hospital help on that front. But intrusive thoughts still creep in- is this the last Halloween? Christmas? Birthdays? And so on. Truthfully I don’t believe it is. Do I think I have many left? Probably not but that’s okay I guess. There’s a lot of uncertainty and I have to sit with that for now.

Joe