Good Morrow Sir, Thy Roid is Sh*t

As stated in a prior post, my thyroid has cancer in it. Up until this past Tuesday we were sure that it was the kidney cancer that had metastasized to my thyroid.

Well…

Now we’re not so sure. And this might sound like good news- “Oh shit, it didn’t spread there?” No that’s not it.

Back to Tuesday. Kidney cancer treatment, specifically Opdivo, has rendered my thyroid useless. So as many people do, I am on a thyroid replacement pill for the rest of my life- no biggie, add it to the handful I take everyday. In properly ensuring that my replacement pill was correctly dosed, my oncologist referred me to an endocrinologist. Lucky for me, the only one to see was apparently in Lakeview in Chicago, a nice 90ish minute drive due to rush hour and the decision to shut down multiple lanes of the main highway in the city.

Lucky for me the office was beautiful. Gone were the dingy, thin, gray carpeted waiting rooms- they were replaced by a fountain, art, refreshments, actual architecture that wasn’t all 90 degree angles and white walls. Finally, cancer treatment was getting sexier.

After a short wait I was called back to see the doctor where some jerk in my records tried to list that I was 6’1” and not 6’3”.

Pretty sure I could file a malpractice case or defamation right? Anyways, there was no further assault against me by MyChart and I did the regular routine of verifying my eight thousand different prescriptions which, coupled with brain fog, makes you seem really put together when you have to ask “Huh? What’s that? Oh yeah, I take that daily.”

I deleted the waiting room photos so this will have to suffice. As a medical pro now, you will notice the absence of blood stains around the room.

So in this fancy doctor’s office, the doctor came in early (maybe I need to go here more often) to see me. Go through the normal back and forth of introductions, he ups my thyroid medicine, and then seems shocked when I explain the cancer situation and how my cancer spread to my thyroid. “Kidney cancer spreading to the thyroid is extremely rare.” Okay…..I guess I like to do the things that people say can’t be done? So he reviews my records, scans and starts to examine my neck. “Again, kidney cancer spreading here is rare but there’s definitely nodules that lit up. I would think this might be thyroid cancer.” No shit! I thought. I mean why not? At this rate let’s catch em all like Pokémon.

Now anyone reading this who is familiar with thyroid cancer knows that it is referred to as the “good cancer.” This is such a shitty way to frame any cancer- the mental trauma alone negates any “good” sentiment. BUT, in an effort to explain, the “good cancer” term is because they say thyroid cancer is curable and “easy” to treat with surgery. Again, nothing about any type of cancer is easy- they all take different roads for treatment but nothing is easy so please please please- don’t ever say that to a cancer survivor.

So the plan is to get more blood work done, another MRI, and an eventual biopsy of the thyroid.

What does this all mean though? Honestly nothing right now aside from being poked and prodded more, kind of like this:

What if it IS thyroid cancer? Well then surgery will remove it and “worst case” I would need radioactive iodine to clear out the area I guess. I tuned out a little after I heard about a new cancer potentially floating around.

My current treatment plan would not work on thyroid cancer so I would probably need to stop any treatments prior to surgery to be able to effectively recover.

Again though, this is all very much up in the air. Many IFs still need to be sorted out. If it is thyroid cancer it is more than likely not aggressive so the rush is not on right now but the wheels are in motion to figure it out.

I’ve been asked how I feel and honestly I don’t know. No one wants to hear more cancer or a potential surgery but given that it is not aggressive I was not hit as hard by the potential of another part of my body trying to stage a coup. The gut punch comes in more due to the fact that I can’t go to an appointment and get good news on its own.

“No new spread of the cancer BUT it has grown slightly.”

“Might not be kidney cancer BUT it could be a different cancer.”

“No sir, you can not rip your thyroid out like Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse.”

Okay the last one was a lie obviously, Patrick Swayze passed away so it’s not really possible.

That’s the update for now- a whole lot of stuff up in the air but nothing concrete yet so as is the theme with cancer, more waiting.

On a more serious note: Any prayers or positive thoughts/vibes that everyone sends my way, please redirect that energy to my cousin Will. He could use it right now.

-Joe