Goodbye Grandma

Mary "Mickey" Jantke, Born 7/23/1937, At Rest 6/01/2022

I haven’t posted a bit, for various reasons, but the most obvious would probably be the recent loss our family experienced. Words are hard to come by but I was asked to deliver the eulogy yesterday at my grandmother’s service. I have put it below in its entirety.

How do I sum up a life well lived in such a short amount of time? Frankly I can’t but I will try. Mary, Mickey, or grandma as me and many of my cousins knew her was the best. There’s really not another way to put it. Everything she did made you feel loved and amazing. Looking at those in attendance today, I can confidently say that all of you feel the same. 

Many of my earliest memories of Grandma involved her house. Her house was the place to be for holidays, dinners, birthdays, and even a belly dancer one time. I wasn’t there for that one sadly but I heard all about it. Parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings- family gathered at grandma’s house. We gathered around tables- 1 for the adults, 1 for the kids, and at times another for overflow. Her love was like that, overflowing. You wanted to be at her house occasionally hoping you were old enough to sit with her at the adult table but I think we all know she would have rather been with the grandkids laughing and loving on them. 

Me and my brothers were often there to mow the lawn, put up or take down decorations, vacuum, or whatever other chores they needed done. I remember my grandpa, Fritz, would lean over the deck and watch as we mowed the lawn- inspecting for any areas missed. My father was right behind too, pointing out areas not to his liking. My grandma though, she was inside whipping up lunch- sometimes a ‘quick” ham or roast like it was nothing. The work we performed was outweighed by her food, her love, and the occasional secret twenty or two snuck in our pockets. 

Her house held a lot of magical memories for us kids. We had easter egg hunts in her yard every year. She had a pool in that same big side yard ages ago. We played football and catch there, careful to avoid getting impaled by the deer statues near our “endzone.” We stopped there every Halloween to show off the kids’ costumes because she wanted pictures- and so did we.  

We even heard Santa come down the stairs every Christmas eve, bringing a million gifts for us all. Not only did he bring us gifts he actually took the time to visit us at grandma’s house and take pictures and talk to us- she just had the pull with him I guess. 

Christmas was her time to shine. She pulled out all the stops, with some help from my dad, and decorated just about every square inch of her house both inside and outside. Inflatables, lights, projectors, tinsel, handmade ornaments, and more. All of us kids know what the true centerpiece was though- her village. Her village was intricate and took days to piece together with plexiglass, homemade tables, fake snow, about 50 cords, and a dozen smoke detectors. Jamie even made her a fire extinguisher hidden in a nutcracker just in case things went south. That’s how serious she was. She did it all for everyone to see and look at. It’s only fitting that during this pandemic plans were ruined for Christmas and she kept them up for when her family could make it in. 

They’re still up today. I don’t think anyone is ready to put them away just yet. I think it closes the book a little and none of us want that. We all knew this was coming but does that make it easier? No, no it doesn’t. She could have had 20 years left and this would still be just as hard. 

She always thought of others first. She showered all her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids with love, support, and kindness. And that in itself is amazing. She had a husband who we all loved, but could be a bit of a rascal as we know. She had four kids- Margie, Shelly, Terry, and my dad Fred- who, will all probably admit they too could be trouble makers at times. I’m looking at you Dad. None of the nonsense mattered to her though, her love was unconditional.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention her other favorite holiday- Saint Patrick’s day. No surprise that green was her favorite color. She joined my dad every year for the parade downtown. Boy did she light up in that car, smiling and waving to everyone. After the parade my dad and her would go out for a quick drink. My dad went through a lot of work to get his car ready for the parade and some years it was tougher than others but riding with her made them both happy. This year she was going to attend the parade but that morning she felt under the weather. Fittingly at the parade the car would not start, delaying it a bit. But, at the last second, like a St. Patrick’s day miracle, the car started and made it in the parade after all. Take it as you will but I don’t think that 70 year old car wanted to move without her for some reason.

Over 2 years ago she was told she had 2 months to live. We had a talk a little bit after she was first diagnosed with cancer. Her options were treatment or no treatment, which she chose to go with the latter. I remember her distinctly saying “I’m not young, I have lived a full life. What will chemotherapy give me, if anything?” She knew best. She got over 2 more years with us all, on her terms. 

Earlier this year I joined her in the cancer club. Who’s the favorite grandchild now guys?

Everyone is supportive and loving when you are diagnosed but no one really knows what it feels like unless you’ve been there- and I hope none of you ever have to go through that.  When we first saw each other after I was diagnosed we hugged and shared a moment. We only spoke through squeezed hands and our eyes but the message was clear: Our time here is limited and taking a second for granted is a waste.

I had thought about my own mortality a lot but was taking for granted her time remaining until that day. My phone won’t ring early on my birthdays anymore to the sweet sound of her singing happy birthday. I won’t see another holiday with her cooking. I won’t open her gate, hearing the chain link scrape on the sidewalk, and seeing her face with a warm smile. I won’t gather around her kitchen table with my kids, watching them eat whatever sweets and candy grandma let them have. I can hear her saying “oh nonsense, they’re at grandma’s house” whenever I would try to limit the sugar they inhaled. 

So if you’re here today make sure you tell your loved ones how you feel as often as you can.

She truly spoiled us but we were all spoiled in this world to have been around her and to have her in our lives. Grief comes in waves. For me it hit me writing this, telling my kids, and talking to my dad. It really hit me when he said “who am I going to call all the time now?” That was a gut punch. He was her right hand man, her caretaker, her shopping buddy, her sparring partner, and her baby boy. He called her twice a day and was there almost every day. That is a hole none of us can fill. So if you are hearing these words today and mourning the loss of Mary, tell your loved ones how much you care.

I will end with two things:

First- This is long overdue but almost twenty years ago I got really intoxicated and told my parents I was with my Grandma drinking bad water. Well, sorry to shock you all but I lied and was not with my grandma. I know, I can't believe I kept the secret this long. But sorry Grandma, and thanks for not snitching.

And finally- As her favorite Dean Martin sang, “You’re nobody til somebody loves you.” Well her love sure made you feel like somebody special.

We love you, we miss you, rest easy Grandma.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out and been supportive during this time.

-Joe