Manchester by the River

For many people green symbolizes luck. For just about every Irish resident in the Chicagoland area this is especially true (see Notre Dame, St Patrick’s Day, multiple parades for St Patrick’s Day, etc). Anyways, at the tail end of my vacay from Cabo we were going to see Manchester Orchestra at the Salt Shed(I promise it ties in). Great show as always but so when they threw up the green lights above, I took notice.

Why? I don’t know honestly. I was enjoying my last bit of fun before I started my Cabo again just 7ish hours later when I saw an all green lighting backdrop. I know I’m old but I feel like I don’t see this often at shows, the handful of ones I’ve been to at least. I’m also not one to believe in signs.

But maybe coincidences? It just so happened that this was my first time going into the city in awhile (or at least past my parents’ house). We took satan’s urethra the Kennedy in towards the Salt Shed, as you need to since locals are already on Elston and Milwaukee, and passed near Logan Square/Avondale. This was where my grandmother’s house was for the last, I don’t know- as long as I can remember at least. It was a warm and loving home, many years filled with cigarette smoke and laughter, it was the 90’s (and 00’s, and maybe 10’s), ancient times either way. I had a few thoughts and we said something as we passed the Kimball exit where we got off so many times but nothing of major importance. So on we went to the show, memories slowly fading as they tend to do as time passes, and then on one of their final songs, green lighting backlit the band. The photo above does it no justice honestly. But the point here is the coincidence or sign, however you want to look at it.

My grandmother often wore green and had green furnishings and even carpeting, she was Irish and very proud of it. So was my brain just pulling together pieces of the day with a six degrees of separation type logic or was it a sign? Or was it just an awesome lighting job? I really don’t know but I immediately thought of her.

Evidence of the green love.

I felt warmth and happiness, because that’s what she was. I have been unlucky enough to have had two “cancer buddies” throughout my journey- my Grandma and my Dad. We lost her last summer and it was and is rough, loss always is. But even as I type this, I feel more nostalgia and warmth and love, which she would want anyways. Sadness still comes but as time passes memories hang on and we had so many good memories with her that it’s hard to feel only sadness. So was it a sign or coincidence? Still don’t know. But, what I know is I’ll take signs if they make me feel warm anytime.

Just as quick as the “sign” came, it went. I have more anxiety these days. Covid, cancer, trauma- whatever you want to pin it on it has increased. I used to look forward to events and going out and having fun. Now, I often start to worry. Nothing that makes sense or that I want to go into detail about but it’s tough at times. This concert was on the tail end of my medicine break. I knew about it for months and was excited to go. As the days crept up so did the worry. Again my rational brain said there was nothing to worry about but if that worked I wouldn’t need to go to therapy. The anxiety was there on the ride down, the restaurant before, during the show and a little after. But those green lights washed some of it away- almost metaphorically saying “it’s okay.” I needed that in some way- just as I needed the block party and this concert. While a week isn’t much it was full and nice to be back in society (and up past 8pm).

As I type this I feel a more positive vibe in this post. Is anything different medically? No, not in the slightest. I’m back on the Cabo so I’m tired, my feet hurt and I feel like I’m passing a stone maybe. But I’ll sit with the warmth and peace while I have it because everyday I get closer to my next scan the warmth will fade and worry will creep in. But who knows, maybe I’ll get another sign.

-Joe