My Neck, My Back…

…where else did the cancer attack?

So the title does not continue on like the song- biologically and logically it can’t. This time last year I was at a luxurious resort in Chicago’s Northern suburbs with mask lined staff, all you can take blood draws and doctor visits, and hospital room lined hallways. Everyday from 10pm to 6am I was treated to a bedside wake up call with a sunrise simulation of my hospital door opening allowing bright fluorescent lighting to spill into my dark, sleepy room. Dreamy but during my stay at The Hospita’l Resort and Spa I thought that upon checkout I could leave my cancer worries behind. Well unfortunately cancer is back (you know- if you didn’t read the last post). Specifically it is in my thyroid, around my lower esophagus, and “several” in my chest/abdomen/back area. I am most certainly not a doctor but it seems like a profession you have to go to school for longer than 99.9% of other professions, “several” does not seem specific enough.

But if I read between the lines- which I certainly should- I think it means not good, medically speaking. There was a point in the past week or so where we thought radiation might be the path instead of immunotherapy. Well:

It’s immunotherapy, specifically Opdivo and Cabo. I would sing you their jingles if I knew them but I only know O-O-Ozempic, Pepto Bismol, and Ray Liota’s Chantix.

So once every 4 weeks I will go in for an infusion of Opdivo and everyday I will take Cabo in the pill form- again NOT Sammy Hagar’s liquor company. I’m a little bummed about the radiation. Not because of the lesser chance of side effects according to my doctor but more that I don’t get the chance to bring in a spider and try to become Spider-Man on my own.

Most people ask what the side effects are- myself included. Well I don’t want to spoil it but I’ll just say it’s a long long list. Fine, I’ll give you a tease: mouth sores and bleeding!

What’s next? Well because we live in AMERICA! my doctor said it would take about a week to get insurance approval for the treatment. Yes a week, that’s days more than many places make you wait to get a gun. Anyways while he does that I have to get an ultrasound of my thyroid.

Congratulations! It’s a cancer!

And after that I get an MRI of my brain. I mistakenly thought my PET scan was of the brain and was trying to tell myself “well at least it’s not in the brain, that’s good news” to make it sound better. Well

It wasn’t of the brain. So, yeah more expensive testing. But luckily, unlike Joe Exotic, this will not be me:

Because we met our out of pocket deductible before April! Take that insurance people. And they say there’s no benefits of getting cancer, pssh, yeah right.

Well thank you for coming to my cancer and Joe Exotic presentation today. I will be sure to post again soon once I found out more fun side effects to share. But for now:

-Joe