Reminders

No this post is not an excuse to play the song below.

Or to slip in a PeeWee Herman word of the day gif.

Rather let’s talk about reminders. Cancer and reminders go hand in hand. I think the first reminder that pops into your head when you’ve been diagnosed is that life is fragile. Simple yet powerful, you never really shake this reminder. It stays with you for your whole (hopefully long) life. Feeling joy? Reminded. Feeling sad? Reminded. Feeling nothing? Reminded. You get the point.

Pain would be the next one I think. There’s a chance you went to the hospital because you were having pain somewhere and now you’ve found out that your lucky prize is cancer. Don’t worry though, if you found your cancer in a way that wasn’t prompted by pain every new pain you experience will have you asking “Is this cancer?” So we all get that gift to go home with.

Appointments. Quite literal reminders through your calendar or hospital group’s MyChart app. This is a reminder even though you know why you’re going to the doctor or hospital. Every grey and sterile room is a reminder that you are now going to be poked and prodded again and probably on regular intervals for the rest of your life. They are reminders that you will now be planning everything you do around the land mines they create on your calendars.

Limitations. This one sucks but stairs, walking, talking, going out- so many mundane things you might take for granted before now turn into reminders that you’re sick. You hit your limitations often when dealing with cancer and, almost as often, you blow through those limits, paying the price later.

Meds. You most certainly will be on a regimen of meds at one point or another. Weekly pill organizers, pill bottles on the nightstand and daily alarms to remind you to take your medicine. These are now a part of your life for the foreseeable future. To compound this reminder:

Side effects. Side effects may be from active treatment or meds prescribed to control other side effects (I know, how cool). Neuropathy, nausea, pain, fatigue, weight loss, weight gain, physical appearances changing- the list goes on and on, enough to make the commercial runners for Rx companies salivate. These also can be ones that last for the rest of your life.

Scars/Bruises/Etc. Quite literal obvious reminders but take it from someone who has a giant inverted Y on his chest, they still give you pause a lot of the time. They may even be a positive reminder later, if you’re in remission or cancer free for years- like a badge of honor that you got through something tough. Or they trigger the best/worst reminder of them all:

Your Mind. Oh your dumb little mind, the same one that hums the Ozempic commercial jingle, or remembers 867-5309. The brain that now randomly forgets what you were just about to do but not that Matt Saracen had to fend off two quarterbacks- Ray “Voodoo” Tatum and J.D. McCoy, while taking care of Lorraine with no parents around. (There’s a lot more I can spout off now but I will save you all the recital of Friday Night Lights). That brain, that one will grab you randomly, in the middle of a board game, or movie or whatever, and say “Is this the last time you get to do this?”

People. This reminder goes both ways. People will remind you with the way they talk to you, sometimes like a toddler, sometimes like you need to tough it out. They might do it with the way they look at you- with pity, or disgust for riding around in a scooter at a theme park. But people can be reminders in good ways too. Family and friends will rally and remind you that you are loved. Colleagues will check in on you, showing you that there’s more to life than just working. And unexpectedly J people will show up in your life and support you and care for you.

These reminders can evoke many feelings too. Like the “Is this the last time?” thoughts you’ll have that will make you surely tear up. Or it can make you stare at the sky from your back porch in amazement. Or, they can have you burp up and taste contrast from an MRI like I just did. And if you for some reason are wondering what that tastes like I can only describe it as a nasty permanent marker? Idk.

But either way, let this post remind you to go to the doctor, advocate for care and follow ups, and if something is bothering you don’t brush it off *cough* men *cough*.

That’s all. I’m off tomorrow to get my port put in. So by my next post I’ll have plenty of stupid jokes to tell.

Joe