Spam and Phishing

Fun fact- I’ve never had Spam. I digress though. My account was locked for a bit due to a “Potential Violation of the Spam and Phishing Policy” on Substack. Now clearly my account is unlocked as Substack knew the people would revolt if I was not freed from my internet prison. . . . And by the “people would revolt” I mean one person, me, would send an email politely asking what the issue could be.

It got me thinking though- what could I be Phishing for or Spamming people with? Here’s some thoughts:

• Phishing- is it like regular fishing but Pretty Hot? A la PHAT??

  

• Spam- Why is it called Spam? Does the taste of spam evoke a feeling of unwanted mail?

  • Now this is where you probably are saying “google it you idiot!” and to that I say you are correct

• How exactly would I spam the reader here?

  • Can you transmit virtual cancer?

  • Is it too many Stepbrothers references?

  • Or general obscure movie lines?

  • Is it too many descriptions of the depressing layouts of hospitals?

  • Maybe too many comments about reciting my name and birthday repeatedly like the D2 Might Ducks locker room scene but for very sick people?

    

  • Is it the really cool descriptions of a cancer patient’s crumbling mental health?

• And what about Phishing? What information would I be Phishing for?

  • The cure for cancer?

  • The meaning of life?

  • How to beat the old Lion King video game?

    

  • What happened to the original Aunt Viv in Fresh Prince of Bel Air?

  • Where have all the cowboys gone?

  • Why do some horses get jackets?

  • Why when doves cry does it sound like this?

  • Why the Dillon Panthers ever got rid of coach Eric Taylor?

  • Who was the first person to see a cow and think “we should try to get something to drink out of that?”

    • Also how many failed attempts were there with other animals?

  • Why is Yung Gravy a thing?

  • Why MTV’s Rock N Jock basketball games pop into my head once a week?

    • Dan Cortese does not deserve that bandwidth.

      

  • Maybe why cancer happens to anyone?

But alas, one will never know these answers nor why Substack believed I was Spamming and Phishing.

Please enjoy Mr Cortese’s vocal stylings below.

-Joe