The (cancer center) Office

Welcome to Scranton, PA Glenview, IL.

Meet our Cast:

Michael Scott played by Joe Jantke

The best character on The Office would make you think I’m being braggadocio* here choosing myself but alas, do not forget he was one of, if not THE, most cringe characters as well. So with some similar humor styles, trying to do the right thing most of the time and because I only had myself on the call sheet at this point.

*I know you see this word and thing what a snob- don’t worry, I spelled it wrong and when autocorrect displayed the right spelling I didn’t trust it. So I went to Google. #SoSmart

Jim Halpert played by My Oncologist

Likeable guy. Hard to hate but at times his pranks go too far and you strongly dislike him- but not for long- just like when your Oncologist delivers bad news to you.

Dwight Schrute played by The Cancer is Never Funny Crowd

They don’t get your humor and often are too serious about cancer. When you think about it, most jobs you should be serious at so you realize Dwight wasn’t in on the jokes all the time but still was a dependable guy when people needed him. The love is there, just not the appreciation for such refined humor.

Pam Beasley played by All Your Appointments

They’re essential, they’re good for you but sometimes you get annoyed with them. You might even feel like you’re in your 18th rewatch and slightly hate them for a bit but overall they are necessary and good for you. Pam was a main central character for an entire series- cancer or no cancer these appointments are sticking around whether you like them or not.

Ryan Howard played by Your Cancer Journey

Over the series you go from feeling bad, annoyed, hating, loathing, maybe pitying again but most of all annoyed by Ryan. But you accept him as he delivers good moments at times and you remember he’s a part of the show regardless since he’s a major writer. Same with cancer- a rollercoaster of feelings but it’s always there.

Kelly Kapoor played by Cancer Jokes

Sometimes Kelly is hilarious, sometimes cringe and occasionally you feel bad for her but she’s also a writer and essential to the show. Just like your jokes and humor elicit the same responses- they’re also essential to surviving.

Angela Martin played by Hospital Billing- Fee Calculation

All they care about is the money- and they’re very serious about it.

Kevin Malone played by Hospital Billing- Invoicing

Part of Hospital billing but often is prone to mistakes someone else has to catch or fix.

Oscar Martinez played by Hospital Billing- Customer Service

At times speaking to them they’re kind and you like them, other times they’re arrogant and condescending. Oscar Martinez everyone.

Stanley Hudson played by Nurse Trying to Get to the End of Their Shift

You have to respect them. No time for chit chat, wants to get in and out and doesn’t bother you if you don’t bother them. Occasionally you get them to laugh. Stanley isn’t a favorite but you like him.

Creed Bratton played by The Wild Card Waiting Room Folk

Unmasked, unpredictable, unprepared and often unaware. Speakerphone conversations on full blast? Trying to cut the line waiting to check in? Complaining about the most random problem like why Susan doesn’t use tinfoil since watching Dr. Oz last week? Eating something crazy like room temperature fish or mung beans? Not knowing their own name? All things Creed would do and things you’ll see in a waiting room.

Darryl Philbin played by Your Internet Cancer Friends

They’re great! They make you laugh, always add to a scene, have to deal with the same problems and you want more for them too. Fluffy fingers.

Phyllis Lapin-Vance played by Nurse Who is Sweet and Kind

But still can light a fire every now and then. Phyllis was quiet, sweet and kind- mostly. She stood up for herself and found a good life for herself. I feel like the sweet and kind nurses will share a story every now and then that makes you think “alright badass!” And they always have a wholesome family.

Meredith Palmer played by The Fun Nurse

This is the nurse that gets your humor. Dark, inappropriate or dumb- you’re getting a laugh. Often will joke about bringing you a drink or cocktail. 99% of the time they lift your spirits and that rare 1% you might be annoyed by on a really rough day. Meredith Palmer folks.

Andy Bernard played by Toxic Positivity

Andy is generally harmless and at most annoying- until Rockin Robin and a lost phone makes him punch a wall. Or when he sailed away or semi-stalked Erin. Toxic Positivity is generally harmless and you tolerate it but sometimes it makes no sense, is a little too aggressive or weird.

Jan Levinson-Gould played by Cancer Impulses

Jan was impulsive- dating Michael (and Hunter, and Clark), Serenity by Jan, Jamaica, Chili’s for a sales pitch, throwing a Dundie at a plasma tv and random (Michael, baby, candles, returning later). You will have impulses to buy, eat, break something, scream and more. Some are harmless, maybe even okay and some are just insane or reckless.

David Wallace played by Cancer Meds

David Wallace was crucial to Dunder Mifflin and oversaw Michael Scott. You understood he was necessary but couldn’t he have been nicer to Michael? And sometimes he did nothing. Cancer Meds- while you understand they’re necessary you wish they weren’t this bad and sometimes they don’t even work.

Mose Schrute played by Cancer’s Emotional Side Effects

Mose was weird, funny, anxious, and more- always lurking around. Welcome to Cancer’s Emotional Side Effects.

Todd Packer played by Cancer’s Physical Side Effects

Todd Packer is crude, loud and in your face. Deep down he’s bad and you don’t like him even though sometimes he will make you randomly laugh at the insanity of it all. Welcome to Cancer’s Physical Side Effects.

Toby Flenderson played by Cancer

The worst.

-Joe