The Forest
We often overlook so many things- or at least I have done this. I like to think of trees and the forest*, let me explain. I have lived in my current location for over three years now. The landscaping has not changed at all- large trees planted over 20 years ago stand tall and follow the same seasonal cycles year in and out. Nothing new, well to the tree that is. To me- I started seeing things differently. No this isn’t some plant medicine trip or high but rather I think details and intricate things I had scanned over and filed as unimportant before now stood out and caught my eye. Did the trees have faces and speak to me?
No they did not, well not yet. I started noticing the colors more, the patterns in the leaves and bark, how the branches reach out when bare in fall and even the various animal homes that litter them.
I know I sound like some hippy tripping here but I mean it- and I’m not on drugs.** I feel like for most of my life the world has always felt like it is spinning fast and I had to try to keep up. Spoiler alert, I did not in fact keep up. Now after the last few years it still seems like everything is racing by or spinning so fast yet I don’t feel the need to try to keep up as much. My anxiety might object to that.
The physical slow down was inevitable and apparent- I feel like I’m a few months away from a cane at this point. But the mental slow down was really a surprise. Don’t get me wrong my mind races and spirals about the end and loss but there’s also calm and a real slow down too.
Some mornings, before anyone is up, I’ll let the dogs out and enjoy the silence. The wind is calm, the noise is absent and the world feels still. Some mornings I enjoy it. I feel my heart and breath slow to a calm pace. Other mornings my mind is so quiet that it allows the spirals to sucker punch me.
But I’ll take the peace I’m finding in random moments in the world. The spirals have always been there on some level but if I can try to grasp quiet, peace or even just stillness from the impending end then I will always reach for that hope.
Please consider donating to Ed’s GoFundMe.
-Joe
*Author’s Note: This could have been a perfect place to use jungle instead of forest and eventually had something catchy like “Welcome to My Mental Jungle.” I opted for the flow of the words versus comedy. I apologize.
**Clarification: I am not on recreational drugs. I am in fact on my normal 10-20 daily pills.