Them Good Ol’ Boys Were Gettin’ CTs and MRIs

Much like Don McLean’s “American Pie” this week will start out decent and then go on way too long and make you want to get drunk with your f*cked up friends too.

So let’s go over this week:

Monday

-Scanxiety

Tuesday

-Scanxiety

Wednesday

-CT scan 1 and 2. Chest and abdomen/pelvis. We are checking for any new areas of spread or growth from the last scan. Basically we don’t want any surprises.

-In all honesty though I feel okay. I don’t think these scans will show anything drastically different- good or bad.

Thursday

-Get that port ready, it’s chest stabbing time.

-Infusion day which I do not respond like Uma above, even if I forget the numbing cream. Love my port- the pain is less than an IV and my hand doesn’t look like I walked around backhanding everyone I see for days after.

-I’ll also get my results officially from my Oncologist but unless it’s something new or drastic I’ll know by Wednesday afternoon more than likely. Thank you technology and Google, your speed and knowledge allows me to set the level of panic I want.

-Thursday night there is a AYA Cancer event in Chicago I will be attending. It stands for Adolescent and Young Adult. The cut off is 39 for AYA so I just snuck in. Thanks cancer!

Friday

-Well John Kimble you’re wrong- it actually is a tumor albeit a benign tumor. A pituitary adenoma to be exact.

-What is a pituitary adenoma you ask?

• It is not a track on The Tortured Poets Department. You will not see “Pituitary Adenoma of My Heart’s Brain featuring Bon Iver and his “voice”

• Usually benign. Usually gives me so much comfort in medical settings.

• Around 1 in 10 people will get them at some point in their life and can develop at any age.

• Some can secrete excess hormones causing hormonal imbalances.

• If left to grow they can cause headaches, vision problems/blindness and pressure on the brain.

• This was taken from John Hopkins, not Johnny Hopkins

  

• The procedure to remove said adenoma, if needed, is called Endoscopic Transnasal Transsphenoidal Surgery.

  • Relax bigots, I’m sure you see Trans and Surgery in the same sentence and lose your minds thinking “Oh no, another thing that doesn’t involve me is happening and my fragile life and ego is in danger.” I assure you it’s not.

  • Also it sounds like a good 70s/80s band name if you add “Experience” at the end.

  • The procedure doesn’t sound bad except for the when to call your doctor section: “Clear fluid dripping down your nose or down your throat that has a metallic taste. This may be a cerebrospinal fluid leak.” Metal bro.

    

• This scan Friday will check the size of said tumor to see if it warrants removal or gets to hang out for a little while longer.

That’s about it for this week- a needle in the chest and a couple of trips through Satan’s magical metallic asshole.

-Joe