Welp. . . I Don’t Know

I’d love to write this and say “the cancer is gone” or “nothing new” but unfortunately that is not the case. As previously mentioned I had my scan Monday morning. The blessing and the curse of living in 2023 is your results come almost immediately to an app on your phone. Scans showing positive news- that’s amazing. Scans showing negative or not so great news- *insert the Price is Right losing horn here.*

Let’s level set though:

• What did the scans show?

  • To the best of my knowledge no new spread of the cancer. Now if you want to look at a glass half full or half empty this was only a scan of my pelvis, abdomen and chest so if it did spread outside of that we would not know that now.

  • The lymph nodes in my chest/abdomen have grown by 0.5cm to 1cm each.

    • Disclaimer: This could be a reaction to the Opdivo and not disease progression itself.

      • My personal thoughts: It’s the cancer. This is solely based on a gut instinct- the same gut that had me convinced I would die during surgery last year so take that as you will.

  • Still have a few kidney stones in my left kidney. A nice little bonus, like when Burger King throws an onion ring in with your fries.

• What now?

  • Well my amazing oncologist, even though not working this week, hopped into my chart and took a look at the scans. For now we are staying the course treatment-wise but having another CT in about 4-6 weeks to monitor this growth.

    • He is thorough though and wants to be prepared in case treatment has to change- hence the next step.

  • Additionally he wants me to have another biopsy performed. Where I’m not sure. The last one was through my esophagus so we’ll see how this one plays out and when. I want answers but also want to respect his time off. So I only replied once (for now).

That’s all I really have for now considering he got back to me at 6ish this morning. Mentally I know I said I wouldn’t be crushed if it came back showing the medicine wasn’t working. That’s mostly true I think? My brain feels a little like this right now:

I am routinely telling myself that there’s nothing I can do right now other than wait. I also have my next infusion appointment next Thursday so truly it is only a week of waiting but as any cancer or chronic illness patient (or Tom Petty) can tell you, waiting is the hardest part. And this whole journey consists of sooooooo much waiting.

So for now I do the waiting while trying not to constantly refresh MyChart. I wait while trying to slow my brain down to a manageable pace. I wait while I look to schedule the next appointment- then I wait more. Not a super long post today but wanted to share the update I had.

For now:

-Joe